Transforming Anger

by Scott Noelle
www.scottnoelle.com

Orinally published as a 3-part series for The Daily Groove.

Amongst peace-loving folks, anger gets a bad rap. This is because anger is usually present when violence is committed.

But anger is a form of energy that can be applied constructively, too. That was Nature's intent.

Anger arises naturally whenever you perceive a loss of personal freedom or power. It's there to energize you on your way back to your natural state of empowerment.

If you get angry about some behavior of your child, and then you scold, punish, or yell at him or her, you're simply misdirecting the anger energy.

Just remember: the anger is there to uplift you, not to put down your child (or yourself). It's there to help you break free from disempowering thoughts and reconnect with your Authentic Power.


The transformation of anger begins with acceptance. When you resist anger, it persists, escalates into rage, or descends into depression.

Accepting anger doesn't mean tolerating violence. The compulsion to express anger violently is a byproduct of our "dominator culture" in which force is confused with Authentic Power.

That compulsion can be greatly reduced if you dis-identify with your anger, which you can do by observing or "witnessing" it.

Take a deep breath and locate the sensation of anger in your body. Use your intuition to sense its subtle qualities. Can you feel its "edges"? What is its "shape," "color," "temperature," "weight," etc.?

Put aside all thoughts of right and wrong for now. Just observe the physical sensation and be present with it.

You are not the anger. You are the Witness, observing the anger. Let yourself be curious and eager to discover what anger can reveal. It wants you to remember Who You Really Are.


Once you make peace with your anger, you can harness its energy and use it creatively.

Remember, anger always arises from a perception of disempowerment. This must be a misperception because Who You Really Are is truly powerful!

So, to reconnect with your Authentic Power, the trick is to direct the anger at the misperception. Let yourself get really pissed off that this LIE has found its way into your mind! It's a rude, obnoxious, uninvited guest!

Most important: Shift your thoughts as quickly as you can from being angry at the misperception to being determined to perceive the higher Truth. For example:

"Dammit! I'm sick and tired of believing that a child's behavior can shut down my heart! My heart and the Infinite Love that fills it are so HUGE than nothing can stop them! Nothing but my belief, that is, but I'm NOT BUYING IT anymore! I AM powerful!! I CAN choose what I focus on!! And I AM DETERMINED to choose thoughts that open my heart!!!"

At this point in your thought process, you can really have some FUN with your aligned anger energy! For example:

"This is all bullshit anyway, because I know deep down that my kid is doing the best s/he can with what s/he's got, and the real reason I'm mad is 'cuz I'm imagining how my parents would react to that behavior... Like it's any of their freakin' business!! I don't give a RIP what my parents, or the neighbors, or 'society' thinks about my choices! I AM FREE TO BE THE KIND OF PARENT I WANT TO BE!!!"

Of course your thought process will vary depending on the situation. The overall strategy is to transform your anger into a passionate determination to connect with your Inner Power and Freedom.

Authentic empowerment feels WAY better than the shallow satisfaction of forced compliance. And once your heart is open again, all sorts of creative solutions will come flooding in!

Scott Noelle is a parenting coach and the author of The Daily Groove: How to Enjoy Parenting... Unconditionally! Scott offers a variety of tools and support for leading-edge parents through his website, DailyGroove.com. He lives in Portland, Oregon, with his partner, Beth Noelle, and their two children.

Web address of this article:
http://www.scottnoelle.com/parenting/anger.htm

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Copyright©2006 by Scott Noelle. All Rights Reserved.